The real housewives are back in the Hamptons for the longest 5 days of our lives. We open up episode 5 back in the Breakfast at Tiffany's dinner party, Ramona Singer's annoyance about the crude language use has turned into the most boring way to annoy Leah McSweeney possible. In a rare show, Ramona calmly explains to Leah that the sex talk and language makes her uncomfortable and asks if Leah could tone it down.
The next day we have Sonja Morgan back in bed with Ramona, paired with Leah and Eboni K. Williams the morning after, having coffee, both talking about the night before. Ramona, still in last nights bee hive up-do, complete with a tiara, complains about Leah starting drama with Heather Thomson and the relentless penis talk. Leah complains to Eboni about how uptight and hypocritical Ramona is for trying to shame them over sex. Ramona, still in last night's hair and makeup, talks to Heather in the lower level and asks Heather good or bad, to not talk about her, Sonja, or Luann de Lesseps, in her podcasts.
It's Garth Garth Garth at Lu's house before the ladies arrive for lunch. Garth is making lamb curry and Victoria, Lu's daughter, is setting up a nude model life painting for the women to partake in for their COVID friendly activity. Ramona and Sonja are upstairs getting ready for the life painting/lunch at Luann's. Ramona tells Heather that her and Sonja got the memo to be chic for painting but not Heather, who looks nice but not chic. On the contrary, she gripes over Eboni and Leah using glam and being late to leave for lunch. They are apparently too chic.
Lu explains a professional nude model separates themselves from an unprofessional nude model by preparing themselves to not get an erection. Sonja, Ramona, and Heather arrive without Eboni and Leah at Lu's. We meet Lu's friend Alfredo, who shows up like a masked cowboy. We see Lu try to set up Sonja with Alfredo; and Sonja explains to Leah that an artist can’t be with other artists. "I want a banker, not an artist", Sonja says. Ramona, in her talking head, nails it. Sonja’s type is Luann's type therefore she wouldn’t throw men to Sonja but rather she’d keep them for herself.
Despite all the crass sex talk from the night before, Leah is "so weirded out" for the life painting of the nude model. The nude model, Kurt, made the ladies remove his sarong. Someone needs to inform Kurt we are in a pandemic. (On a side note, Kurt kept winking and I didn’t like that.) We get a glimpse at the women's paintings and Ramona just drew the penis. Ramona gets bored quickly and as Alfredo plays some light original music, or as Ramona says, sensual, we get treated to some spastic but great shoulder dancing from Ramona. She keeps repeating to Alfredo that his music is touching her over and over again.
Leah excuses herself from Ramon's shoulder dancing to announce she has vertigo caused by the stress of her ailing grandmother. Ramona psychoanalyses her into a breakdown pointing out that Leah's grandmother has been the only person to show her unconditional love and acceptance in her life. Eboni delivers real comfort because unlike Ramona she can read a room.
Back at Lu's artist enclave: Kurt continues to model for Lu's daughter Victoria. Ramona tries to explain to Heather that the reason her and Leah fight so much is because Leah looks at her like an older sister and seeks her approval. (But I was under the impression we all knew it was a surrogate mother thing...)
The ladies sit down for lunch and rehash the sex talk conflict. Leah takes huge offense to Ramona saying her daughter wouldn’t talk as raunchy as Leah did. In her confessional, Ramona calls out Leah for creating problems on purpose (for a storyline). Lu tries to explain that Ramona's strong catholic background, similar to her own, brought them up to view public conversation of sex to be taboo. Eboni mis-clarifies Lu's explanation and relates it to class, as in what is classy and what is not classy table discussion. Lu says it's not class, it’s education. Which is offensive to Eboni, as the most educated woman on the cast. Ramona asks Eboni how it is that she knows she the most educated and if she googles the ladies and Eboni says yes. Which makes Ramona do her high pitched laugh, and I'm pretty sure she high fives herself afterwards. This fight is temporarily paused as the ladies are interrupted by Leah, storming back in for round two with Ramona. Leah, it seems, is irrationally upset that Ramona would compare herself to her daughter, Avery. For whatever reason. Sonja rightfully points out that Leah is valid to her opinion, and to express herself how she sees fit, but that it crosses a line when you bring the children into it.
Heather tries to make peace once Leah leaves again, but Lu throws another dig to Eboni about calling herself educated. (Eboni is the most educated. If Lu was slightly more educated I think she would have used the word cultured or perhaps clarified that growing up Catholic coincides with a catholic education, albeit a social education. Not that it isn't just as offensive to tell the ladies who are open about sex that discussing it makes them uncultured, either.) Ramona sits down inside with the young people, Lu's niece and children, and asks them if they would talk to their friends or mom as indelicate as the women did the night before and Victoria, Lu's daughter, tells Ramona she would not. Lu grows continually offended about Eboni pointing out Lu's entitlement and pretention over the other women openly expressing their sexuality. Lu kicks Eboni out of her house. And the episode closes, teasing a final fight between Leah and Heather next week.
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